What Autism and "Normal" Have in Common: Autism Awareness Month Week 1

I'm sure everyone has heard the statement that everyone is different - which is true - everyone truly is different. Yet at the same time, we all have something in common as well. Most people don't think they have the common traits of autism, but I tend to disagree.

We all have some form of similarity with autism because we are all merely human. I understand that children on the spectrum don't find the same hobbies interesting, nor do they show many characteristics of any typical child, but the one thing we all have in common is that we are all designed in our very own unique way. We are all formed in the womb with a different purpose in life, as if it was all planned for us.

So for my first day of writing for Autism Awareness Month, I'm going to be sharing with you what autism and "normal" have in common. This will be related to a lecture I have given a couple of weeks ago at the Allegheny Intermediate Unit, and I will be sharing in serial form to those who were't able to attend my lecture. What you are about to read might introduce you to autism in a very different light, and I prefer that you read this to your "normal" children as well.

We All Get Distracted

How many times have you been warned not to text while you drive? How often do you tell your children to put their phones away while you are at the dinner table? Maybe you get so distracted with tweeting and posting on social media that it is hard for many of you to go to sleep.

That happens to many, if not most of us.

You see, it's not uncommon for all of us to be distracted about something so often. So often as a child, I would get so distracted about Barney the Dinosaur or Full House that it creates a barrier between me and my loved ones. Having a child with autism isn't easy, but you should at least know what it's like to be distracted very easily by something that isn't necessary. The friends I make today (and I included) often get distracted by watching T.V. shows on Netflix. Today, we call this "binge-watching."

Now just because I say it is understandable that we get easily distracted doesn't necessarily mean that distraction should be easily tolerable. If we don't teach our children - especially children on the autism spectrum - the warning of things such as texting while driving, or looking too deep into your imagination, that could get them into deep trouble.

I remember that when we would be out for a walk along a crowded pavement next to a traffic-jammed road, my mom wouldn't continue without telling me to hold her hand because she knew that I would often get so stuck in my imagination that I often forgot to look both ways before crossing the road (and thankfully never let go). That habit would continue until I was around twelve or thirteen years old (maybe a little older, I don't know) when it came a time that I was tired of her holding my hand, that I would understand the danger of thinking too hard of what to watch on T.V. when I got home.

For the "normal" person, not even texting while walking is safe. If anyone gets too distracted about what to text to their boyfriend or BFFs, they may suffer the same fate if the cross the road without looking both ways. Most often when these things occur, their mother wasn't around to hold their hands.

We All Fidget

Do any of you listen to music? I'm sure most of you would probably say yes. But what else do you do when you listen to music? Maybe you sing along with it while in the shower. Maybe you dance with your music. Maybe you tap your feet on the floor even as you're sitting down. It's hard to listen to music without feeling some sort of physical beat to it.

That my readers, is called fidgeting.

Fidgeting is what occurs very often for those on the autism spectrum. The most common trait of fidgeting on the spectrum is when he/she bobs back and forth like a bobble-head doll. They just repeat this motion over and over again as if trying to relax. When people listen to music, that's how they relax. They usually tap their foot to the floor as if it was a silent way to just get up and dance with the music.

As you can see, everyone feels that way. We all feel that sudden urge to get up and dance to the music. In order to control my fidgeting, I usually go to the gym, read a book, write, or watch a short video. It soothes my mind and keeps me relaxed whenever I feel the need to get my mind off the stressful elements of my life.

It relaxes the muscles in my body.

I think everyone needs something to relax them, even those with autism. In fact, I believe exercise is the best way to keep them in shape and motivate them to do more things.

All I'm saying is that when you start to fidget, this is your body's way of telling you it absorbed a lot of energy. That's why it is somewhat important for children with autism to have uncontrollable tantrums. Not that I'm excusing the temper tantrum nor do I think this should be encouraged, but the reason behind it, in my opinion, is because they are so full of energy that they have to either jump up and down or bob back and forth to let all that energy out. I have always felt - and still do to this day - that if I felt some form of anxiety and just stand still, I would be so full of energy that I would literally and physically explode.

In fact, some people would feel the same if they are having trouble with their homework. Although most "normal" people would just choose to "sit still" - trust me - there is no such thing as "sitting still." When trying to solve a challenging Math problem, many would either tip their pencils on their heads or on their desks. Sometimes, they would chew on a piece of gum to help them think. 

Or maybe when they're taking a test; when someone is trying to remember the answers, they get so nervous that their armpits sweat and the voices screaming in their heads avoids them from memorizing what they had learned. That would sometimes lead to a panic attack, or even make the person leave the room crying.

Most of the time, that's what happens when you don't fidget.

So as you can see, we all have our moments. That's why it's important to let all that energy out. That way, it can be easier for us to complete our works. The loud voices in our heads would mellow, and we can remember the things we learned much easier. That's why schools for disabled children now have sensory rooms (which I will get to in a later blog post).

We All Have Our Own "Rituals"

Let me guess a list of what you do almost every day from sunrise to sunset:

1. Wake up (or snooze for a moment)
2. Get out of bed
3. Take a shower
4. Get dressed
5. Have breakfast
6. Brush your teeth
7. Go to school
8. Go home
9. Have dinner
10. Go to bed.

Does this sound accurate to most of you? If so, then you perform a "ritual."

You may define a ritual as a series of actions in prescribed order based on religion, except religion isn't really necessary for a ritual to occur. I'm sure many of you develop a list of things to do every day, and it all just replays like a video cassette tape.

I had that ritual every day at home. Every day I would eat cereal, and nothing else. Every day, I was told to wait after school if I wanted to repeat lines from television, because it wasn't tolerated if I talked to myself during class. Not only couldn't I wait to go home just to be my favorite T.V. shows, but also to watch my favorite T.V. shows.

I'm sure when many students get home from school, the first thing they do is either watch T.V., or play video games (or do their homework depending on what roof they are living under). Sometimes you wait until after dinner to watch T.V. at night so you could enjoy it with your family.

I bet this is something you would wish to see every day. In fact, rituals often repeat themselves every day, making it harder and harder to change that.

We All HATE When Things Don't go as Planned

Which leads me to my next common trait. Now, we all HATE when things don't go as planned. We all have that moment, especially when it literally storms unexpectedly the same day we decide to go to the amusement park to ride all the rides. Because of that, we get angry and bitter, as if we want to break something.

In the world of autism, the chances of literally breaking something are high.

In their minds, they couldn't take the reality. Being excited about the trip prevents them from remembering that life isn't always fair. Their emotions run out of control, preventing them from accepting the reality that they would have to cancel the trip. While they think and feel the same frustration as many children do, most often they act upon their frustration, sometimes even banging their heads on the ground.

This also happens when children with autism go through changes in their homes or schools. Because they are so used to repeating the same ritual over and over again, the smallest change could easily set them off.

When a "normal" child finds change in their homes, of course they will feel frustrated. They get a little frustrated when they get a new room, or when they have to share a new room. It takes teenagers a long time to adapt over a divorce between his/her parents, or the loss of a parent. The loss of a loved one could still affect them greatly.

For example, you would probably often see your dad sit on his own personal sofa every day, probably telling you to "get off my chair!" if he sees you there. Then all of a sudden, when you find out your father isn't there and you sit on that chair, you'd probably expect yourself to hear him say that. Yet, you'd probably miss hearing that stern voice because it feels completely normal to you.

So if your autistic child ever experiences change, you must be prepared for it. It will be a challenge for you for a while, but you know that he/she will adapt to it later, because they are only human! No human lives forever, and that is the biggest change that is hard to accept because we aren't perfect.

We Are All NOT PERFECT

Adam and Eve weren't the only ones to have eaten the Forbidden Fruit. In fact, if we hadn't eaten the forbidden fruit, we'd be immortal. We'd be in perfect health; we'd have perfect, painless childbirths; we'd raise perfect children; heck, we'd be perfect!

Except we're not.

Not even children with autism are perfect. In fact, they are far from it just like everybody else. One of the things people say is that children with autism don't lie. That is a myth. The truth is, they just don't lie very well.

They are even capable of other things, such as practical jokes. More often, they will think that one thing is funny while it truly isn't. Though it's not because they don't have sympathy for others, the real reason is that they don't understand the concept of humor, nor could they understand people's feelings through their facial expressions. Even I didn't understand that the things I said to other people I thought were funny would actually be hurtful.

Unfortunately, I learned the hard way.

We all try to be as perfect as possible. As a child on the autism spectrum, my main goal was to be perfect for my family and the adults in my life. I try to follow the rules and be quiet when they ask me to. In high school, I decided didn't talk to many people because I felt my constant talking was a bother to them, and I wanted to be anything but a bother. I even allowed the people in my life (classmates) to hurt me or take advantage of me because I felt they were happier that way.

As you can see, I wanted to make people happy. I wanted everyone to like me. I later realized I couldn't really do that. Not even Jesus Christ Himself, who is perfect, could get everyone to like Him, even after performing miraculous healings and dying on the cross in front of the very eyes of so many. 

Now that every time I try to be perfect, I think of Jesus Himself. Even though He was - and is - the only perfect person, He was terribly beaten as a result. This reminds me that I don't have to be perfect, nor do I have to worry about who likes me and who doesn't. I just continue my life and be happy with who I am and who I was designed to be.

Most of all, all of you shouldn't worry about perfection either.

Conclusive Opinion

I'm hoping many of you find this very interesting. This isn't to criticize anyone of misunderstanding, but to help find a way for a "normal" person to relate to a child with autism. This is also to help parents who are struggling with relating to their children, that way they can think of how their children's situation might be similar to their own.

I ask children to read this so that they can get a better understanding that not all children are "just like them." It's to teach your children that they need to get to know the person on the spectrum before judging them through their actions. Remind your "normal" children that this is a reason to relate to them and understand the feelings of others so they can learn more about themselves and how they can control the way they react to things, such as being less likely to talk back at their parents.

This is to teach everyone that we all think more similarly than we think, it's just that we all react differently. I don't think I mentioned too much about autism, not because I'm not focused on it, but because it is time to look past the labels. It's time to come to a point where we ask ourselves if our autistic children are what doctors say they are, or what God created them to be. What doctors predict will happen, or what we pray will happen.

In my upcoming blog posts, I will be talking about the differences between "normal" and autism, how parents can be a parent to kids with autism, what teachers can do, and why there is more hope than you could possibly imagine.

Any other relations between autism and "normal?" If so, feel free to leave a comment below. If you don't like my post, that's fine. You have every right to feel that way. Anyway, have a great first day of Autism Awareness Month, and God bless you!